did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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