I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
