there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
