I can tuck mytits in my pants
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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