idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
