the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
