he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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