is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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