he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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