I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
