hotel room ftw
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize