I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
