grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
