I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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