fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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