grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
