Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
