Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
