I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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