U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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