Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
