So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just googled if crying burns calories
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
