Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
