from now on my penis is your penis
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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