Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
