You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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