Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
