Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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