It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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