I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
