I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize