college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
