You made me cry and you don't even care
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
