its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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