yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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