at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
