I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
