Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
