I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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