ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Randomize