Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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