Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
