we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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