I want to have your abortion
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
