After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
