Who did Billy Mays play for?
do herpes really smell.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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