That's when you crack a 10am beer
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
