I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
