So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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