Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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