there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I believe in your delicious
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
