He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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