My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
