You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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