I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
