I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
