He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
