she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
