The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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