I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
