i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
