Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
